My Biography

I’m going to make this real easy: I have no past.

“What?” You’re thinking, “what pompous, New Age, silly, separatist-sounding academic bullshit is this? I expect some substance here.”

I know, it’s a Bio page, you’re looking for some biology, of course you are. I’m sorry. Can’t do it. Won’t.

WHY?? Really, why? What can you really do with such information.

So that you can say, “Ha, I’ve been around much more than that, I’ve done more than she has, I have more to say than she does, I’m basically a much cooler person all-around than this individual.” Or conversely, “Damn, she’s cool, I could never measure up to that…better quit now while I’m ahead…”

(And then you won’t even end up reading my material, so both of us lose, I suppose.)

Or so that I can say, “Ha, told you, didn’t I? I’ve been around way more than you could possibly imagine, I’ve done more than you will ever do, I obviously have more to say than you possibly ever could and with better narrative than you, and I’m basically a much cooler person all-around than any of you people.” Or conversely, I could (and have done this) make it all into an exercise of formulating every experience in its description better than it possibly could ever have been, to protect my sensitive little packet of dubious self-esteem in a public forum.

Anyway, you get it. You ain’t stupid. I don’t need to wax on any further about the obvious.

…Make me up, use your imagination.


Just one favor: Make me really good! Make me your own personal dream.

‘Cause that’ll keep you coming back here, right? Haaa.